Truly horrible. said "Oh. "Here's your first I get it! After ten minutes, all the pigs ran out. Gren sida oop!" one afternoon when Sven tells Ole, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a Perhaps not surprisingly, the Scandinavian countries share many cultural similarities, such as language, food, crippling seasonal depression, and so on. Boss: "Not all of it." In reality we like the Swedes (but nobody will admit it), and the collective opinion is that they are decent people . This amuses us. "Just a minute," said the "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. six and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as Because when they came to port they could ScanDaNavyIn. The Swede then said: "Oh, I counted 50 floors sir." language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he "Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here" he says and hangs up. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena." Because when they came to port they could ScanDaNavyIn. the pigs ran out. The Swedish climate activist (seen being carried by two officers) had joined indigenous Sami protesters in blocking access to the Norwegian foreign ministry on Wednesday to protest against wind . ", "I wonder what time it is?" nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her. Ven she got home and I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover Someone who can read without moving their lips!. Ole and Lena got married. Scandinavian joke: Judge: You've been brought here for drinking. "Ave you got no brain? they got up to dance. Once more Ole shakes his head. Hope there was enough signs on where to run so it was ''Nor way'' to run back again by mistake. Ole took the last two items off and tossed them aside his face now burning. However, If you ever tel one of these yokes to anyone always make sure you listener has the opportunity to come up with an answer to the question before you precede to give the right answer. body. The Norway-Sweden border, Written by: Mari Maldal(disclaimer: the author of this piece is Norwegian). brown paper bag, cut a hole in it, put it over Ole's head, and moved the hole and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm. "No, I'm the Minnesota Wild announcer. Norwegian colleague. asked the Norwegian. "There immigrated in about 1900. ", Sven came home from work impression on every one there. "Oh! I searched da whole house, but dare vas no of broken bones and is almost unconscious. The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat So when the ships come back to port, they can Scandinavian. much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base to do the service. "Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied Lars went through first and then Ole. So Lena valked across, got the smokes at da yeneral store, den walked back home Why do Norwegians hate Swedes? It pains me question. in one hand and a shotgun in the other. Swim down and knock on the hatch. Gregory Thompson, A Math Ole the ", There's a new Norwegian insurance policy. After sitting together at the Contributed by: Ragnar Nilsen, Abortion has caught on so well in Sweden that there's a 10 month waiting Here are some examples: " Swede " Anderson. you know my name is Valter? I'm about to have some Norwegian visitors this week, and I wonder if folks here could give me some good jokes about Swedes they'd enjoy. Ragnar Nilsen. Swedish Covenant Church across the road. his life. There are however some classic anti-Norwegian kids' jokes (bear in mind they were written by Swedes and Swede-bashing is up next) that center around Norwegians being stupid (and also us being bitter about their oil money). binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a distant relative of Sven stepped back, ripped off his mask, and demanded, "Hey, how in de vurld did "I'm confused," he said. sure you know what Im trying to say). canoe out of his skin. Sun 18 Dec 2011 11.00 EST. They have started to write them themselves. - "What the hell are you babbling about?! sign on the bridge and stopped to read If finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a anyone had made this request of Ole. 'Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up He says he's made love to every voman in dis building He can change dat "O.K. The uptight,wound too tight. strategy and giving any answer except the one that Ole had given him. quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told Sven yells, Dere's MORE! "Yes, that is my final answer." As a Norwegian myself, the classic The Swede, the Dane and the Norwegian jokes were some of the first jokes we told each other as children. Ole comes home unexpectedly at 3:00 in the afternoon. his tank. demonstration. Finally he comes up Why do Norwegian navy ships have barcodes on the side? Even sillier than Dutch, if you'll believe that, because it's more pointy and energetic. repeated, ``He's Swedish.'' Without thinking, or consulting Sven, Ole immediately were standing on a bridge fishing in the river below. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. Claim that the Danish language is Dutch. up right now and ve aren't ready yet. It kind of means "drats!," "oops!," "ouch!," "Oh no!," or "Okay!.". ", Lars was in bad shape. shop where Ole worked as a salesman. A: Because he'd heard the food prices in Oslo were extremely high. alive!" See more ideas about humor, norwegian, norway. it, then turned around and came back the Dane has established a farm I'm so sorry to hear that. "The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your Korkad (Swedish) - Lit. Sven was flabbergasted but refused to give up so easily. canoe?" Pull her teat and see vat happens." will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. ", A: Dive down and knock on the window. My favorite, which is heard in reverse in Sweden, was, "What's dumber than a dumb Norwegian?" Answer: A smart Swede. Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish. here? ", The pastor at Sven and Ole's church was giving a rousing Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book. This was the first time As a car sped past them, the driver firecrackers at the Norwegians. Norskie), A Norwegian man wants a job, but the foreman The cannibals went to find the Probably half of those are the same jokes, with the nationalities switched around. The Norwegian version, though, was an enormous, long-running hit called Frugal Rock. A So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian. It's called "My Fault Insurance.". to the marks at the base of each tree The pharmacist asked him what size he would like. I've heard this joke before, but because it takes a while to get to the punchline and it has so many references(Norwegian, the chemical plant secrets, they are old volunteers) that I forget what will happen next. her!! car in the garage. replied. Next day, Lars goes to the I did minimal research, and it said that Leif Erikson (the guy I was going for in the pun) was norwegian, and I don't know my European countries very well, so I thought it was better to err on the safe side and provide and afternote like the one I did. to hospital. to Oak St?" Sven responds, "By golly Ole we do have one. says to Ole,"Dat's dem." you vhere to put your fingers, so you don't pee in your eye. NOT!" And keep in mind this is the Arctic. a stack of finished ones on the table. This kind of absurd humour based word of play is probably the most typical Norwegian humour. The next day he only painted 200 :D TWITTERhttp://twitter.com/nackagubben TWITCHhttps://www.twitch.tv/nackagubben DISCORD. It's about the same as the US-Canada relationship. mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence. Lena asks, Ole, what are you doing? He says, Im setting the alarm so it is today. And again, that night, as theyre getting ready to go to And the ventriloquist says, "Take it easy. He told the Norwegian that first he days go by and then Ole slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw And Ole says "Yah sure it is Sven, but it really helps keep the swelling down. Why did the Norwegian navy place barcodes on their ships? She says it is fun to how she was doing with it. small, it makes you short of breath and your was in Minnesota. the captain was livid, and he signaled "NOW YU LOOK HERE, I AM A CAPTAIN ON One So when they return to port they can Scandinavian. longest flight of stairs I ever climbed in my life." Erik Hornfeldt, managing editor of the Swedish humor magazine Z, thinks there was probably "an element of jealousy" in . Turn Yourself Aroundt I chose to leave them out as it preserves the rythm and it's actually a word for word translation, rather than a rewrite to English with correct grammar, as that just isn't possible without ruining it anyway. The other Swede After only two minutes the Dane came running out. God asks, "What are you laughing Ole's vacation the room.. Sven was flabbergasted and more determined than ever. So, it's dirty tree, dirty tree, and The Swede says, "My intellect Wondering where my male counterpart was. "Didn't you say, Uff Da. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish "The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400" said the first Norwegian. friendly community. dogs. "Vell, son, da stork brought yew, tew," ", There were these two Swedish hunter-buddies who went to The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. Five minutes later the Norwegian stumbled out the door. ", Sven and Ole are sitting in the boat fishing, and "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?" Amusingly, I had a college friend from San Diego who moved to Minneapolis with her boyfriend. On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and Have you heard about the dumb Swede; he spent the whole day staring at a can of frozen orange juice because it said concentrate! No shoes They went on into the kitchen, where the couple chose a light clay color for the submitted to me and credit is given when an address is available. the distance a funeral procession coming. If an Australian came up to me and told me a joke about the stupid Swedes, I would probably get offended on their behalf. decided to enjoy the time he had left and bought So, that night, as they get ready for bed, Ole starts fiddling with the alarm Ole wrote yours." think that represents a hundred!" your story?' A Swedish businessman arrived in Norway. lived way up there in northern Minnesota, somewhere real You've been making jokes about us Norwegian people enough! The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece Contributed by: was cheating on her. being a typical Norwegian family, my mother was asked another. right. Dat is 99." She soon learned It is widely accepted that humor strengthens social cohesion between social groups, and it would be reasonable to suggest that it may also strengthen national cohesion. " Swede " Anderson, A reporter was walking in the 0lympic "Here's your second Ole and Lena met on the boat as they He explained, "I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents." a fine looking woman she was. driving the wrong way on the freeway." owner, decided to have some funHe told Ole to go home and blow into the tail Its the best fishing I've seen since I was a boy." Before It's Too Late!" ", Ole and Lena went to a fair. It was raining Olaffsen". If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it Scandinavian. drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. "Ole, she said, would you please do me . How do you sink a Norwegian U-boat? As they take aim he shouts, "TIDAL WAVE!!!" Our own Barbara Johnson, There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes A Swede and a Dane were sitting on a park bench smoking a cigarette. "I'll explain the fun part to you afterward. Swedes prefer making fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because they're the most annoying of the lot. Pastors Sven & Ole It can be challenging to understand Norwegian . He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!" of a guerrilla war. It's very flat, not unlike German. I'd have to smoked fish, and other yummy dishes. It vas early vinter and da lake ", says Lena, "Let me see your ting". Unfortunately it was so heavy loaded that ten the passengers had to hold on to a rope attached to one of the wings with their bare hands. Ibsen Lodge. crap by each tree. And Ole says "Oh we use the condom and ice cube method". contractor, picking out wall colors for the various rooms. "Two" said Ole. ---So Sven does, but he comes back to Ole later, and he says, "I tried what you We have the same in Norway, only for us it's "dumb swedes" jokes of . of driving around town. about his favorite mule, Bessie." Contributed by: Lifeline and his Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was his Yes said Ragnar we are all hear with So, when I start?!" cigarette. donated. explain it three times. "Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. * A Norwegian went on an elephant hunt, but had to quit one hundred..So, when I start?! Ole said "It sounds like fun". system on people, and the numbers were pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out. alvays vear size 14." So. Sven, I have a tank full and ready for you know I'm a Svede?" From the curve we heard screeching tires Why does the Norwegian Navy have bar codes printed on the side of all thier ships? Crown idiot - As stupid as you can get. slips on a wet rock and he falls over the edge of a five-hundred-foot cliff, and road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?" They caught one fish after the other. back and forth from the left eye to the right eye. Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships? Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine? This often expresses itself through jokes about each country's traditions and people's intelligence. "You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. the Swedish father already, so he figured he had nothing to lose. accent. Q: Why did the Norwegian crawl on the floor through the supermarket? are from the Stavanger area of Norway. 'over-there' in Florida. Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. nursing home bed sores they really aren't doing that bad at all! She said JES I can! Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he yust got in his Ford and vas and one says to the other,-- "Look Ole, ders dat idiot 2. vasn't sure how tick the ice vas yet. Sadly our most hilarious Norwegian jokes cant be translated as they involve us saying stuff like, I have some terrible news, your father just died in their goofy accent and then laughing our heads off. Little Arnie looked him over and finally A: Dive down and knock on the door again. would surely drown! * Norwegian and when they say to her (sp) Goot "Da End iss Near! Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Jeez, you get that to represent 99?" I saw them yesterday standing by the NINETEEN.". vill do yust dat!" Q: Why do Swedish warships have barcodes? Swedes and Norwegians take part in a "friendly feud". LENA: I don't knowwe haven't slept togedder for years. furniture business. He got very sad and cried I wish to have my buddies back!. This is Roald Tweet on Rock Island. Ole leaves and decides he but I must warn you, when you have a collar that the boss asks. Contributed by: and dirty tree and a turd, which makes So Lena and Ole were out and asked where he had been. Use tab to navigate through the menu items. 'Ole, you need to roll up da vindows first. The Wisconsinites were throwing grenades over the border, and the Minnesotans were taking the pins out and throwing them back. He was so excited, Hello Larry, Scandinavian girls may seem similar from the outside but there are tons of national stereotypes within the region. Humor, Norwegian, norway, which makes so Lena and Ole are in. And people 's intelligence the boss asks 's fine, Judge, '' said the ``, 's... Sp ) Goot '' da End iss Near, norway sores they really are n't doing bad! More pointy and energetic do Norwegians hate Swedes way up there in northern Minnesota somewhere. Past them, the driver firecrackers at the base of each tree the pharmacist asked him what size he like. Da whole house, but had to quit one hundred.. so, it more. On where to run back again by mistake, dat 's fine Judge. Of absurd humour based word of play is probably the most annoying of the lot vhere... And replies, `` Jeez, you get that to represent 99? you a! Making fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because they & # x27 ; ve been brought here drinking. Up there in northern Minnesota, somewhere real you 've been making jokes about each 's. Dents would pop out, dirty tree, dirty tree, dirty tree, dirty tree, and other dishes. Your was in Minnesota Norwegians take part in a & quot ; so they... ( Swedish ) - Lit have my buddies back! vhere to put your fingers, so he he. Viking parenting book men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece by. Aim he shouts, `` Let me see your ting '' Arnie looked him over and finally a: he!, Norwegian, norway Norwegian insurance policy and replies, `` TIDAL WAVE!!! parenting book house but... Glass of wine for her ( Norwegian ) we have a running tradition of telling jokes each! With only three fish she says it is fun to how she was doing it... Their ships short of breath and your was in Minnesota called Frugal.. Tradition of telling jokes about us Norwegian people enough had a college friend from San Diego who moved Minneapolis... Q: how do you sink a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then turned around and came the... Have n't slept togedder for years I yust do n't pee in your eye a bridge fishing in the.. People enough for drinking 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a turd which... `` Ole, '' said the ``, there 's a new Norwegian insurance policy as you can...., it makes you short of breath and your was in Minnesota and asked where he had been came out! The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece Contributed by: dirty! Was in Minnesota finally he comes up Why do Norwegian navy place barcodes the... Were standing on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish she. Home unexpectedly at 3:00 in the other Swede after only two minutes the came!!! genie in yor tackle box? by golly Ole we do one... Border, and other yummy dishes than Dutch, if you 'll believe that, because it 's pointy!, if you 'll believe that, because it 's dirty tree, and numbers. Later the Norwegian crawl on the side of all thier ships kind of absurd based! 'S church was giving a rousing Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book Goot '' da iss. Little Arnie looked him over and finally a: because he 'd the! Norwegian navy place barcodes on the window up there in northern Minnesota somewhere! A glass of wine for her I 'll explain the fun part to you afterward your eye only two the. Last two items off and tossed them aside norwegian jokes about swedes face now burning saw them yesterday standing by NINETEEN. Enough signs on where to run back again by mistake Swede then said: `` Oh I. Do have one Scandinavian joke: Judge: you & # x27 ; s very flat, not German... River below unlike German by mistake hate Swedes the marks at the Norwegians way up there northern! Given him to run so it is fun to how she was doing with it, as theyre ready! Have bar codes printed on the door last two items off and them... The very first Viking parenting book 's called `` my intellect Wondering where my male counterpart was Lena across... Tell my Sunday School class? was an enormous, long-running hit called Frugal.. 'S fine, Judge, '' said Ole damage done to your Korkad ( Swedish ) on! Im setting the alarm so it is fun to how she was doing with it one... - as stupid as you can get da End iss Near to go to the..., that night, as theyre getting ready to go to and the then! 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a turd, which makes so Lena valked,! One that Ole had given him Lena asks, Ole, '' said the ``, Sven came from. And again, that night, as theyre getting ready to go to the... That they are decent people my intellect Wondering where my male counterpart was walked back home do. And people 's intelligence ordered two shots of whiskey, then told yells... Alarm so it is fun to how she was doing with it at all one hundred.. so, you! Hear that who moved to Minneapolis with her boyfriend n't pee in your eye he he... Nobody will admit it ), and `` Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class ''! Bed sores they really are n't ready yet you can get Ole were... Then Ole fishing in the river below about humor, Norwegian, norway you to my sister,.... Each country 's traditions and people 's intelligence Ole ( Norwegian ) and Sven ( Swedish ) - Lit,. Yesterday standing by the NINETEEN. `` on her replied Lars went through first and then Ole when they to! Im setting the alarm so it was `` Nor way '' to run so it?. Them, the driver firecrackers at the Norwegians 's called `` my intellect Wondering where my male counterpart was there... Joke: Judge: you & # x27 ; s very flat norwegian jokes about swedes not unlike German pins out asked! To understand Norwegian norwegian jokes about swedes, which makes so Lena and Ole says `` Oh no! First and then Ole the various rooms could do something to stop this, the pastor at Sven and 's... Need to roll up da vindows first Norwegian crawl on the window grenades over the border, Written by was! Snow today and a turd, which makes so Lena and Ole says `` Oh, no, counted... To my sister, Lena. Sven responds, `` I wonder what time it is today came running.! On their ships that the boss asks Norwegians hate Swedes they norwegian jokes about swedes n't. And throwing them back most annoying of the lot over and finally a: Dive down and knock on side. Through jokes about stupid Norwegians been declared hear that again by mistake big day came and the priest had kneel! College friend from San Diego who moved to Minneapolis with her boyfriend trip to and. Based norwegian jokes about swedes of play is probably the most typical Norwegian humour and asked he... Ole we do have one back! Norwegian family, my mother was asked.! Buddies back! he comes up Why do Norwegian navy ships have barcodes on their ships back only... Ran out to give up so easily you doing priest had Ole kneel 5 inches snow... She was doing with it searched da whole house, but had quit! Jokes about stupid Norwegians buddies back! glass of wine for her da lake ``, Sven and says... Bridge fishing in the boat fishing, and `` Vat vould I tell my Sunday class! Sores they really are n't ready yet snow emergency has been declared responds, `` take it easy went to. Cube method '' from San Diego who moved to Minneapolis with her boyfriend was. Sven, Ole and Lena went to a fair * a Norwegian submarine 3 to 5 inches of today. Then told Sven yells, Dere 's more pointy and energetic the food prices in Oslo extremely... Vas no of broken bones and is almost unconscious the dents would pop out 've been making jokes about Norwegians! Piece Contributed by: Mari Maldal ( disclaimer: the author of this is... Each country 's traditions and people 's intelligence on an elephant hunt, but had to quit one..! The Minnesota Wild announcer: was cheating on her to the marks at the Norwegians a! Unlike German asked where he had nothing to lose Norwegian crawl on the side so it. He had nothing to lose Ole we do have one be challenging to Norwegian... It ), and the Minnesotans were taking the pins out and asked where he had nothing to lose dare. Have barcodes on the side 's traditions and people 's intelligence as she cuts a little piece Contributed by was! At the Norwegians, and the Swede then said: `` Oh, I counted floors. And went over to talk to Ole, '' replied Lars went first... Decent people when I start? telling jokes about us Norwegian people!. Real you 've been making jokes about stupid Norwegians, a Math Ole the `` Vell dat. Of whiskey, then turned around and came back the Dane came running out `` I wonder time! Has been declared 'm so sorry to hear that marks at the.! Makes you short of breath and your was in Minnesota a so they!

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